I have to admit.....I'm a creature of habit. I don't like change, never have. I fel like if it's not broke why fix it. I have a hard time even re-arranging furniture or painting a room because it's different. The idea of getting a different car freaks me out---sure mine's 23 and looks like junk, but it's mine and I'm used to its quirks.
So it's almost the end of May and I'm feeling depressed......not any one thing caused it just lots of things changing. Another assistant at pre-school got a new job, which I was expecting....but it's a big change after working with someone for nearly 2 years. Then May 16th rolled around, which was the 10th anniversary of my college graduation..........but I can't be old enough to have been out of college for 10 years! Last night, I had the priviledge to see my favorite group of students (some more favorite than others ) graduate high school. How can that be? It seems like only yesterday that they were graduating 8th grade and a week or so ago that they were 5th graders. They grew up on me....which sadly has to mean I'M *gasp* GETTING OLDER! But I don't want to!! You have no idea how badly I'd like to go back to being 21 again....that year was THE BEST (and no....alcohol had nothing to do with it). Oh, more depressing things......I turn 33 (uh oh..make that 25 again) in two days. But I don't feel like I should be that old. Then the 30th will be the 15th anniversary of MY high school graduation....uuugghhh.....sometimes I don't even feel like I've been alive 15 years, much less a high school graduate (and an ADULT) that long! Add to all this stuff it the fact that my mom's in ill health and it will continue to get worse..Her doctor told me a year and a half ago that she could have a fatal heart attack at any time. I'm grateful to God for each and every day with her, because losing her will be life-altering to say the least.
Changes aren't always bad, but almost always a little scary because none of us knows what the future holds. However, God does and I'm just going to have to trust Him to take care of me. Some of the best things that have ever happened to me weren't my plans, but His plans for me. I need to start living in the here and now and stop remembering the past and dreaming about tomorrow.